Peer Pressure & Communication (Assertiveness)
Theme: Being bold.
To enable young people to understand the different influences of peer pressure and increase awareness of effective communication. Girls are prepared to deal with sexual pressures and other negative peer pressure, and discover their voices as strong and assertive.
Definitions
Peer, someone in your own age group.
Pressure, the feeling that you are being pushed toward making a certain choice, either good or bad.
Peer pressure, the feeling where someone of your own age is pushing you toward making a choice. Peer pressure can be good or bad.
Spoken / Direct peer pressure, when someone directly tells you to do what you may not have wanted to do (e.g. friends telling you to escape school to go dancing).
Unspoken / Indirect peer pressure, nothing is said, but seeing others do something makes you feel pressured to do the same (e.g. dressing like a musician you watched on TV).
Peer pressure tricks
The look, peers look at you in an undeserving way that makes you uncomfortable and forces you to change.
The put down, discouraging words to make you feel unworthy. Low self-esteem makes you easier to put down.
The reasoning, peers give you a 'reason' to do what they want. E.g. "You need a boyfriend because it shows you are beautiful." Reasoning can also be positive: "You need to read your books so you can excel at school."
The example, pointing to someone who did what they are luring you to do ("wear these clothes because that singer wears them").
Q: What peer pressure tricks have been used on you? Give examples.
Peer pressure exercise (role play)
The girls act out (role play) both good and bad company. The play should clearly portray the consequences of giving in to either negative or positive peer pressure.
1. Ask the girls if any of them would love to volunteer.
2. Brief them and make sure they have clearly understood.
3. Give them 5, 10 minutes to prepare.
4. Invite them to present their short plays; remind others to pay attention.
5. Receive comments from the rest of the group on what they observed.
6. Encourage the girls to share their experiences of good and bad peer pressure.
Why do young people give in to peer pressure?
Divide the class into 2 groups. Group A discusses reasons for bad peer pressure. Group B discusses reasons for good peer pressure.
Desire to be liked and to fit in. Curiosity. Low self-esteem/confidence. Performance in class. Influence by the idea that 'everyone's doing it' so they leave their better judgement behind. Desire to be a better person or improve character. Poverty.
Walking away from BAD peer pressure
Think of yourself as a leader and act accordingly. The more you see yourself in a leadership role, the more comfortable you will feel asserting your own opinions and feelings.
Choose your friends wisely. Be very selective, if you choose friends who don't use drugs or alcohol, you probably won't do those things either.
Have at least one other peer or friend who is willing to say "no" too. Even if you are standing alone, your NO is valid. Stick by it.
Refusal scripts you can use
"I don't believe in what you are planning to do."
"I enjoy your company, but I can't go against my principles."
"I don't really feel I need to give you a reason not to club. It is simply my decision."
"I am not interested in taking drugs at this age. I still have a future ahead of me."
Remember: nobody should pressure you to make wrong decisions. If someone is not respecting your decision, talk to someone you trust. A good parent, teacher or responsible adult will help protect your interests and keep you safe.
Communication styles
Assertive, saying what you want to say with respect and confidence. Being honest and direct, standing up for yourself, not letting others put you down, asking for what you want, being strong and respectful. Consequences: self-respect, feeling empowered, accomplishing your goals, being respected by others.
Aggressive, delivering a message without considering others' feelings. Being forceful, threatening, or pushy; putting others down; bullying; fighting. Consequences: fights, poor self-concept, loss of friends, negatively stereotyped by teachers.
Manipulative, passing on messages in a way that exploits weaknesses or strengths to get what you want. Lying, tricking. Consequences: loss of trust, reputation for being mean and dishonest, causing emotional distress.
Passive, delivering a message without expressing your true feelings out of fear of angering peers. Not standing up for yourself, letting others take advantage of you, keeping quiet, giving in. Consequences: low self-esteem, loss of opportunities, stress-related health problems, being the victim of bullies.
The Mouse, the Lion and the Elephant
The girls learn to recognise passive, assertive and aggressive behaviour by attributing different characteristics to animals. They are divided into three groups and assigned an animal to act out.
1. Explain that the activity distinguishes between the different types of behaviour.
2. Invite volunteers to act out: The elephant stands for assertive behaviour. The lion stands for aggressive behaviour. The mouse stands for passive behaviour.
3. After the acting, ask the girls which style they think is best.
4. Emphasise the importance of assertive behaviour and encourage the girls to share stories of when different communication styles worked (or did not work) for them.
5. Wrap up with the key messages.
- Recognising peer pressure is the first step in resisting it. Just ask: "Will I say yes or no to this?"
- Saying "no" assertively is the best way to resist negative peer pressure.
- Knowing who to listen to and who to avoid is the biggest step in fighting unwanted peer pressure. It's your life and your responsibility.
- Assertive behaviour is the most empowered way of interacting with others while respecting everyone's rights.
- Being assertive also means confident communication, eye contact, projecting your voice, standing straight and listening effectively.
- Girls need to support each other in being assertive and challenging stereotypes.